Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
