I hate all girls vehemently.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
