You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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