babies were throwing up all over the place
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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