she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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