cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
