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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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