Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
