I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
