I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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