u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
