Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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