it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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