people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
