apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
