I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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