kristin has been a bad kristin
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
