Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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