True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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