Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
