Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
