"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
