No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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