I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
