If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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