like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
