A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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