I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
