I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i drank out of a bidet.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
