What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
