You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
