My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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