So drunk, too bad you don't want this
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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