if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Randomize
