Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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