Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
