man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
