My liver just broke up with me...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
just found out that she named her cat after me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
