I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
