You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
