He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
