she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
