iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
