There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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