Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
