8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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