i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
