the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
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so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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