I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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