i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
