I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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