you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
