piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
