"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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