Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
