she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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