You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you had me at cake vodka
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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