What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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