im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
