would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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