allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Rumble strips road head = magical
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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