some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
