he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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