You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
